Love letter to my children

Dear Alma and James,

I recognize that instead of birthday posts for each of you, I planned several fun adventures during December. However, it doesn’t feel right to let another day pass without putting into words what I carry with me every day: how incredibly grateful I am to be your mom.

A&J, you make our family such a delight, more unified, kinder, and joyful.

Alma, I continue to be in awe of the way you move through the world with thoughtfulness, steadiness, and quiet confidence. You work hard, you show up for the people around you, and you bring a warmth and humor that makes our days better. You have a way of juggling school, friendships, and family with grace and a brilliant independence. While there are times when I'd love to know more of your thoughts and about your day, I've learned that you have a handle on things and will reach out when needed.  

I'm so impressed by your maturity, your high standards in all things, and the critical eye you bring to situations, which is also tempered with a kindness and openness to new ways of thinking that is well beyond your years. I love when you come home from school and give us a glimpse of your observant reflections on how classmates, teachers, or administrators are handling situations and how you might see it through a more inclusive, equitable, or generous lens. You have noted that social studies teachers were critical of certain religions, how clubs are formed at school that may not be as inclusive as they should be, how safety drills could have taken into account other factors, or even how my own use of language could be tweaked to reflect a more generous view of a situation. I'm so pleased to learn and grow from your excellent modeling. 

Last year, your goal was to stop saying "I know" when presented with information; this year you have insightfully mentioned a few times that everyone is going through this stage in their life for the first time, which creates an amazing state of grace for those in your sphere. I'm allowed the freedom to navigate being a mom of teenagers for the first time, your brother is allowed to be a newly-minted 14-year-old, etc. What a lovely perspective to gift: the freedom for us each to be ourselves, even when we fumble at times.

James, your curiosity and heart are such gifts. The way you dive deeply into the things that interest you, your loyalty to the people you love, and your willingness to stay true to yourself make me so proud. You bring a perspective, sincerity, and zest for your passions that entertain and delight our family. I love learning about your newest passions, even if I often don't fully understand them, including my brief time playing Brawl Stars, trying to get the hang of badminton, going to a Pokémon trading show and random shops, and even hearing about lots of WWII (WWI?) history and equipment you use in the video games you play. 

You also express interest in so many other topics, just this morning asking me to explain how tax brackets work and even happily humoring me as I excitedly shared our recent tax returns to show examples of tax tables. The other day, on a family walk, you let me explain the differences between (and how to properly use) an m-dash, n-dash, a semicolon, and parentheses. I'm not sure many other kids make as many wide ranging and generally curious inquiries.

You also make me laugh in a way that is entirely your own. Even when Dad and Alma don’t get the joke, I do. I love those moments at the dinner table as my eyes tear up as I laugh as your seemingly nonsensical humor. But your humor can also be clever, with quick turns of phrase, a new way of looking at the world, and comedic timing that brings a lightness and goofiness to our days that I treasure. There’s something really special about sharing that with you.

What I admire most, for both of you, is not just what you accomplish, but who you are. You are kind. You are thoughtful. You contribute to our family in meaningful ways. You work hard at school and are respectful to those who are teaching you.

I also admire the way you observe the world and decide, quietly but firmly, who you want to be within it. You don’t rush to follow the crowd; instead, you take things in, think them through, and move forward in a way that feels right to you. That kind of self-awareness and steadiness will serve you well, even if it sometimes makes these years feel more complicated.

I know it isn’t always easy. Being a teenager right now comes with pressures and constant vigilance of feeling watched (or recorded) that we didn’t experience in quite the same way. There’s a lot to navigate, and you are doing it with resilience and integrity. I see that, and I am so impressed by both of you.

More than anything, I want you to know this: I adore you. I am so proud of you. And I feel unbelievably lucky that you are part of our family. You make “Team Chisholm” what it is.

Love,
Mom