Thus far, this pregnancy has been difficult. Much more difficult than we were envisioning. From being sick all the time, to crazy stress coming from Joshua's work, to lots of sad news (the loss of both of our maternal grandmothers and the sudden/acute sickness of a close friend), it has been a lot to handle. While it is difficult to not enjoy a summer schedule that includes a happy, loving toddler, I have been feeling like we have been cycling quickly between highs and lows.
We only know two things about this new baby:
1. He or she is a healthy baby.
2. The due date is approximately Christmas Day.
Sure, it's good to know the first fact -- ruling out giving birth to puppies or veloceraptors -- but it is a little limited in scope. Girl/Boy? Redhead/Blond? Looks like Alma? Good sleeper? So much yet to learn.
The second fact is, I'll admit, a bit of a downer. We didn't plan to give birth to a Gifty McRudolph, as I've been calling the baby, so close to Christmas. It seems that no one beyond Scott (Alma's godfather) has given us encouraging or even neutral words about this impending birthday. Scott's birthday is December 22 and you cannot imagine someone who loves their birthday more. I am feeling that a child's birthday -- yes, while important -- isn't the most important thing ever. However, seeing as that is one of the only things we know about this child, it has become a critical point and, at times, it is difficult to see as a positive around it. Don't want to have "bummed out" feelings about a new member of the family, but have to admit that I have been stuck in that mire a bit. Granted, I've also been sick for the past four months, which just generally leads to bummed out feelings.
It helps to put the birthday out of mind by thinking about how that will only be one small part of the child's life. Moreover, I've been dreaming on family traditions that we can start for holidays -- birthdays and Christmas' included -- that go a little against the grain but also feel more natural to me.
In general, it is interesting where the mind goes when feeling a little run down by the rest of life. Soon enough I'll feel better -- to be honest, I've been feeling great during the day but still got sick two of the three past mornings -- and can start nesting. I struggle with being in a holding pattern of inactivity.
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