All day every day I feel so grateful that I am living this current life of an educated mother, wife, homeowner, and crafter. I have always wanted to do this. So many moments in my day, I say to myself "Wow, I'm here in this moment that I have daydreamed and desired for so long." And not only that, I have tons of these moments that get to happen on a reoccurring or daily basis. Some examples: family walks with the four of us around our neighborhood; holding a child's hand; watching the kids stop to smell flowers; putting on my boots to head into the yard to check on plants; hugging James before laying him into bed; sitting across from Alma and chatting about our days during lunch; having my folks pop by to see their grandchildren; sitting in the car planning out my schedule (drinks with friends, racquetball matches, dates with Joshua) while a child sleeps in the backseat and another is soon to come out of her preschool; climbing up to the attic to my very own craft room to engage in my creative side.
Feel so blessed that there have been tons of pockets in my life like this: sailing on the ocean, traveling through Asia, driving cross country and spending lots of time camping by myself, being fiercely in love with Joshua (dating him in Seattle is still one of my dreamiest times of my life), fixing up a house. All those times I've thought, very loudly (if that makes sense), "This is what I'm supposed to be doing. This is what I've been aiming and dreaming about for quite some time." How awesome it is that I've been given the gift to recognize the "good old days" when they are happening.
Not that I love everything at all times or that I don't complain about the little inconveniences; but, in general, life rocks. And, obviously, it isn't only me that made these dreams possible. Joshua sacrifices a ton to provide for the kids and me -- especially in making it possible for me to stay at home with the children -- not only providing monetarily but also emotionally, with his time and all of his energy. He tells me again and again that it is totally worth it to know that it is creating so much happiness for us, which I think is the biggest gift anyone could ever give.
When I was in college, a close friend told me that I was too much of a dreamer and that most of my plans would never come true. It surprised me because I felt that about a quarter came true because I was always expressing those dreams to other people. I feel that if I don't share my dreams out loud and write them down then I won't be as moved to work towards them and other people won't know to be an extra set of eyes to see opportunities for me. It still bugs me that this "friend" said this and that I didn't speak up for myself. I feel so blessed that most of my bucket list has been crossed off due to pushing myself, having great chances present themselves to me and the amazing support of all of those who constantly listened to my dreaming.
Even though I'm in a magical moment of actualizing some big dreams of life -- motherhood especially -- I'm eternally on the look out for the next big thing. I'm thinking that it has something to do with enacting real change in my community and am feeling pulled by the political world or at least being a voice in the community in some meaningful way. I've been starting to take steps in that direction, which is both exciting and a little scary. But mostly, I'm just excited for a new adventure and lessons to keep me going.
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